Stuff we think about way too much...

      Ever been strolling through the park and this see a really pretty zombie babe? Did you fall in love with said zombie babe? Well imagine you are to the crucial third date, with the undead beauty you always dreamed of. You're both standing on her porch, she winks(or at least it looks like she does, her eyelid may have just been falling off) and starts to walk towards the door. Suddenly, something clicks in those tasty brains of yours and you ask yourself: Is it considered necrophilia if I have sex with her? Yes I'm seriously talking about this. There's more after the jump.

Still interested huh?

       Okay, well... I see two potential arguments on this issue: One that would follow the letter of the law, and the other would follow the spirit of the law. Now, the letter of the law would tell you "hey, technically she is "un-dead", so she would in fact be living, or alive." However, apart from the zombie I mentioned above, most zombies are going to be after just one thing, and that thing is brains. So in order to sex up your rotting companion, you are probably going to have to tie her up or else while you are distracted, she cracks open your brain-bucket for a little snack. Now if your zombie-girl likes a little bondage then more power to you, but in any other case the letter of the law is gonna say that's rape. Yelling "Brains, BRAAAINNNSSS!" is not the same thing as "Rape, RAPE!" and she's not going to be able to press charges, but "BRAINS!" does not translate to "Me love you long time!" either. On a side note: this is assuming that these are 50's B-horror style zombies and not the Resident Evil type ones.
        The spirit of the law will of course have a different view on this whole situation. I'll tell you right off the bat that no matter if your zombie-girl is Plain Jane or Megan Fox or whoever, the spirit of the law is gonna say "WTF MAN! That's messed up!" A conversation with the spirit of the law might go as follows:

Spirit: Holy shit man what's your problem?
You:   Man, she's so freakin hot and she doesn't care what I do!
Spirit: Maybe so but she's all cold and stinky and bloody and shit!
You:   Ah you get used to it.
Spirit: I hope she's your only partner, you could be giving other people brain worms and weird undead std's and shit. We have enough problems with AIDS.
You:   Dude I'm having this really strange fixation on your head right now.
Spirit:  What?
You:  Crap I'm hungry you got any brai.. I mean brazil nuts yeah... brazil nuts you got any?
Spirit: Wait a minute...
You:  Ughhh *throws up*
Spirit: Fuck man! You serious! You didn't use a condom did you?
You:  BRAINS!! BRAAAAAIINNNSSS!!!!
Spirit: SHIT NOT AGAIN! AAAAAAYYEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Yeah so there you have it. Let this be a lesson to you dirty zombie lovers out there. Wear a freakin condom, we don't want to catch that shit. Good day all...

This has been a service announcement brought to you by Umbrella. Just fuckin with ya.